ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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