My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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