She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
