the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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