Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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