She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
