I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
