i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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