One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
