Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Randomize
