i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
