Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize