Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
