New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
