You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
