so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
