So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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