I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
