I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
