Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
