Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
