His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
