I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
