it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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