Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
