I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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