I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
