So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
