drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
