i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
soo... how was my night?
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