Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
