I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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