He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
