Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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