"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
