you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
