I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
