foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
