How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
