so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
