Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
