Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
