im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
