Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
