I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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