Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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