I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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