i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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