quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
