Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
