1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
