TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
