I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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