What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
