nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
