Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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